Giving Advice To Adult Children | How Can You Parent Adult Children?
Giving Advice To Adult Children | How Can You Parent Adult Children?
Parenting can be challenging and tricky. It’s a great relief for parents when they’re no longer changing diapers or dealing with crying toddlers, but parenting and giving advice to adult children can be even more challenging. It’s a comfort compared to the day-to-day challenges of parenting when they are toddlers, but you now have to deal with new challenges.
Navigating a new relationship with grown kids can be difficult. They are not your little boy anymore; they are adults who need to be independent to face this challenging world. So, you need to set some standards and boundaries so that the relationship is healthy.
Tips For Giving Advice For Parenting Adult Children
Treat Them Like Adults
You should treat your children like adults even if they are acting like children. They need to learn to act like adults and be responsible. You treat them like adults will let them figure out the things they should be responsible for.
Parents should give the same respect to their children as they’d give to any other adults. It will make the relationship between parents and children stronger and also enjoyable.
Learn to Let Go
When your little boy grows up to be a young man, he might do many things that you do not approve of, but you should let it go and let them live their life. It doesn’t mean letting them do whatever they want; let it go if it isn’t that big because they learn from these mistakes.
If they come up to you and say I fought with a boy in school, and they move on, don’t shout at him for these things. Parents would be upset when they hear these things, but keeping it to themselves is a good choice. Finally, when you learn to let it go, everyone is much happier.
Listen to Them
Adult children don’t like you advising them all the time. Instead, listen to what they are trying to say. When they turn into adults, try to be their mental support rather than a mentor trying to guide them on every path.
Listening to them and giving unsolicited advice on what they seek is good for parenting adult children. It will make them open up and tell you things they are uncomfortable with or couldn’t decide.
Don’t Compare Them with Others.
It would help if you always kept in mind that every child is different. Please don’t compare your kids with their siblings, peers, cousins, or other kids on unnecessary things. If your friend brags about the success their child is achieving, ignore it.
You should always motivate your child rather than putting unnecessary pressure on them. Yes, parents will love to see their children be successful, but unwanted pressure on them can hurt them mentally. If your neighbor’s child is achieving the top position in his class, don’t expect your child to do so. Instead, motivate them to do well and try to make them mentally strong.
Give them Financial Independence.
You should help them if they are in an emergency but don’t fill their daily expenses. It will not help them at all. When they have to cover their expenses, they will try new things to make money, which will help them achieve long-term success.
Covering their daily expenses will make them dependent on you. When they earn and learn to balance income and expenses, they will be financially independent.
Having Clear Boundaries
Boundaries are critical to keeping any relationships healthy. When a child becomes an adult, they want to live their life in their own way. So you don’t have to babysit every time and make decisions on everything.
Boundaries assist you in determining what you are comfortable with and how you want to be treated by others. They also minimize conflicts and misunderstandings because they set a standard for what you can expect from one another.
Do Things that You Both Love
If you love shopping or doing other activities with your teen children, don’t stop now. If they too find it fun and exciting, you should go with them and do these things. It makes the relationship more potent and more fun at the same time.
Perhaps now is the time to try new things that you both enjoy. Make it a point to engage in any traditions, interests, or activities you and your adult child enjoy regularly.
Make Family Meetings
Family Meetings can be perfect for keeping the relationship with your children alive and keeping everyone on the same page. It helps families to set long-term goals, define roles, and ensure transparency.
In large families, keeping everyone happy is a tricky job, so that, these family meetings can solve problems together. It also connects family members across different generations, teaching them about management and responsibilities.
Let Them Make Mistakes
It’s hard to see your baby child make mistakes, but keep in mind that it is just a warm-up. When they are grown up, they make many mistakes. Don’t try to correct them always; let them deal with it themselves.
Parents should focus on building a good foundation in childhood rather than worrying about the future. If you have taught your child well, they will be able to take lessons from the mistakes they make.
Don’t Criticize Their Parenting
It can be hard to sit on the sidelines when your kids have kids. You’ll want to jump in when you see them making the same mistakes you made or when you see them raising their children entirely differently than you did. But resist the temptation to rush in with criticism.
If you see a situation you can’t leave alone, approach your child in a private, non-confrontational way. Have an honest discussion, and don’t be offended if your child doesn’t take your advice.
Don’t Bug Them About Marriage.
Your kid might take time to find a partner, that doesn’t mean you have to jump in. You might think by their age, and you already had two children. But times have changed; today’s kids want to do more and have many wishes to fulfill before marriage.
So don’t bug them about marriages. It will happen when the time comes. They will find them on their own; you don’t have to jump into this situation. Of course, your concern is well-intentioned, but you should resist the desire to question them about it whenever possible.
Is It Okay to Use Parental Controls on Adult Children?
The parents who control their children won’t change when their children are grown up. They try different sophisticated techniques like emotional blackmail or victimism to manipulate their grown-up children to get what they want.
The actions like giving unnecessary advice and commenting on everything their children do can affect children’s self-confidence and self-esteem. Also, this kind of behavior can affect the relationship between parents and children. When the children grow up, they might feel irritated when their parents criticize everything they do.
So instead of using parental control techniques on your adult children, convincing them or talking to them, and giving the advice to do things you want is the right choice.
To Sum Up
Whatever happens in life, you will always be their parents and always want the best for them. You won’t stop worrying about them, but that doesn’t mean you have to guide them at every point of their life. Let them live their lives and create boundaries.
Boundaries can be very fruitful for relationships to flourish. Instead of acting as a CEO, act as a consultant, help them in situations when they seek your help. Focus on building a good foundation in their childhood to be independent and make good decisions on their own.
Your role as a parent does not vanish just because kids have grown up. You can choose to accept and cherish each new step along your life’s journey with your children as your relationship with them changes.