In most countries around the world, arranged marriages are a thing of the past. There are still places where the practice persists, of course, especially in South Asia. India is a prime example of that, as countless millions of families there still prioritize arranged marriages over love marriages.

This is largely due to tradition, of course, but for the parents themselves, it’s more than that – to them, arranged marriages are just more logical, and love marriages are frivolous, unstable, and unreliable.

Naturally, most younger and modern people disagree, and rightly so in many cases. However, understanding the point of view of such traditional Indian parents is important if you want to change their minds. So, to help you out, here is a step-by-step guide for how to convince Indian parents of the benefits of love marriages.

1. It’s essential to have a good relationship with your parents

If you were already having a rocky relationship with your parents before you even started talking about arranged marriages vs love marriages, then you’ll be in for a Sisyphean task. In such cases, it’s usually best to take a while – a long while, in fact – to first repair your relationship with your parents at least a little bit.

This is crucial, as you want your parents to trust your judgment if you are to convince them to let you marry for love. One of the big reasons many conservative parents prefer arranged marriages is because they think they know better than you what you need. So, your parents must be willing to trust you at least a little bit if you are to succeed in changing their minds.

For many people, this means things such as starting to do better with your scholarly efforts, getting a good job, changing certain habits your parents disapprove of, repairing your communication with them, and so on.

2. Start planting the seeds ahead of time

This is a pretty big conversation from the point of view of most conservative traditionalist parents, so, it’s best that you start it slowly and months in advance. The more subtle you are, the better too, as you probably don’t want to accidentally start the conversation too soon.

However, small things such as mentioning certain couples your parents know who have married for love successfully – children of their friends, popular couples on TV, etc. – is a good first step. Just be careful not to make your intentions too obvious at first.

3. Focus your efforts on the more pliable parent first

In most cases, one of the parents will be “softer” on the issue, while the other will be so adamant that they’d rather look to find a wife from legitimate Asian mail order bride sites like BridesUniverse than let you marry for love. In such cases, it’s best to start working on the more pliable parent first, as they will be your key to victory.

Be careful not to drive a wedge between your parents, of course – you don’t want to ruin their marriage. Plus, you’d still need to do a bit of softening work on your sterner parent too – just employ different strategies for both and focus your heavier arguments on the parent who is more likely to change their mind first.

4. Get help from other relatives and friends your parents trust

Your parents likely have other friends and relatives whose opinions they trust more than yours. If you can convince some of them to your point of view, they can be a very effective ally to your efforts, especially if some of them are your parents’ elders.

This doesn’t necessarily mean asking them to help you. However, even something as small as a relative or a friend of your parents knowing and liking your beloved and telling your parents a good word about them can be more than enough.

5. Introduce your desired partner the right way

First impressions are key, and you want everything to go smoothly when you introduce your loved one to your parents. If they get to know them and grow to like them – or, at least, not dislike them at first – then they would be more likely to agree to your marriage.

6. Let your parents meet your loved one’s parents

For conservative parents, arranged marriages are important not just because they get to choose who you marry but because they get to choose which family you marry into. So, it’s often important for them to meet your beloved’s family too. Ideally, the two families will hit it off and like each other, but the bare minimum is that they don’t actively dislike one another.

All this can go even smoother if your loved one’s parents are already on your side. In this case, you can just ask them directly to help you convince your parents.

7. Be calm and have patience – be the adult in the room

All of the six steps above can be tricky and time-consuming. What’s more, all of them can sometimes take numerous attempts until they are done successfully. So, it’s important that you have patience and keep your cool throughout the whole process.

Remember – your parents prefer arranged marriages because they think they know better than you. If you lose your composure and get emotional with them, they will likely mistrust your judgment even more. However, if you manage to present your point of view calmly and as an adult, they will be much more likely to see reason sooner or later.

Conclusion 

The last part is the most key, but all steps of the above process are important if you want to successfully convince your Indian parents to let you marry out of love. Many Indian parents – just like all other conservative traditionalist parents around the globe – typically believe that they just know better than everyone around them and that their kids are just too young to know what’s best for them.

And, sadly, in most cases, this is an attitude that can’t be changed that easily, especially not in a single conversation about marriage. So, it’s important to stay on target while you argue with your Indian parents and not try to reshape your parents’ entire worldview in a single conversation or let it spiral into a quarrel. As long as you manage to stay calm, meet them where they are, argue from their point of view, and convince them that marrying for love actually satisfies their concerns too – you should be successful.